16 months ago I became a father. Among the drove of changes that it brought, what surprised me most was how I couldn't get away from my new name, from the word "father". I have now come to the place of holding that name very dear to my heart but it was in the journey to that place that this song was born.
I was only 23 when my daughter was born; it was a life change that I did not feel at all ready for. There were still so many adventures that I wanted to go on, so much that I wanted to accomplish, and some insecurities and baggage that I wanted to work through prior to becoming a father. I had always viewed the responsibility of fatherhood as daunting; needing to be a strong, stable force of love and wisdom, a protector and guide through all the uncertainty of growing up. I did not feel strong or stable or put together enough to take care of myself let alone think that I had what it took to be a father.
I was raised to believe that there is a father God who is the ultimate father: a father to the fatherless; a father to all the fathers who feel that they cannot carry this responsibility. Sifting through the pieces of words and phrases I've heard about this father in my life, I tried to find an image of something I could connect with even on my most cynical days, something that didn't take a specific state of beliefs to long for. I didn't want this song to be religious, or at least not openly. [Side note: I don't want any of my music to be religious. It limits what I can say, who I can say it to, and where I can say it.] I landed on the image of still waters.